THE SEVenth blog
Nearly -Three months later...
-gasp- she lives!
I do. I do, I know I disappeared for almost three months.. not that it seems to matter because my only follower, that shows she's a follower doesn't have internet...
Anyway, want to know what will happen at 3:48 am -I'm sorry. My Mother won't make up her mind, she tells me 3:48, I say 3:48, she sees that and tells me I'm wrong and it's 3:38. So the hour was 3 am, the minute was 8, as for the other number... I'll have to find my birth certificate again.- tonight? Do you? My life as a fourteen year old ends and the one as a fifteen year old begins. It's depressing to me. Things just seem to be moving faster and faster. Two years ago I couldn't tell you almost exactly what I was doing the year before on my birthday, now I can.
Why? Because it feels like yesterday, it feels like everything is passing me by and honestly I know I'm the only one who can speed up and not let it pass on by, it's just scary. I know I need a more active role in my life. I'm aware of it. I don't like it. I would prefer to just going back to when:
"Hi, I'm -insert name-. Will you be my friend?"
and suddenly you're joined at the hip. When my whole world was the property I lived on. When I believed in Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny etc.etc. I like the memories I've gotten since those things have ended and if I was given the choice to take it all back, honestly I don't think I would.
It's just the knowing now that hurts, knowing things like, how there are people who afraid to be happy, afraid to say or do the wrong thing, people who feel like they have 'walk on eggshells', there are people who dying defending others who don't even show their appreciation, there are people who don't know their parents and people who wish they didn't. Millions of things that some people couldn't even imagine, things that are happening to others. People do things and others judge them but they don't understand what that person was going through, why they did it, they're not living their lives. While some people can sit and take their lives for granted, others feel the need to take their's and end them. It's the knowing the horrible habits people have taken up over the years, like all of the trash we are creating, the power we're wasting (Hey, that rhymed.)
Knowing that tomorrow is not promised to be here, that when you awoke this morning it was a blessing not just another day. (I believe God exists, it's the rules I'm trying to get a better handle on.) Knowing that there is a possibility that everything you know is a lie. That's more something for some one who sees from a perspective [seeing is believing.] instead of [believing is seeing].
the point of this is, knowing how big the world is, is a freakin' scary thing and knowing that once you do something, you can't ever take it back. You could be forgiven, but what you did has been done, is frightening too.
Alright, well that's it. Next I'm writing a letter to myself for reading in... let's say three years?
Nearly -Three months later...
-gasp- she lives!
I do. I do, I know I disappeared for almost three months.. not that it seems to matter because my only follower, that shows she's a follower doesn't have internet...
Anyway, want to know what will happen at 3:48 am -I'm sorry. My Mother won't make up her mind, she tells me 3:48, I say 3:48, she sees that and tells me I'm wrong and it's 3:38. So the hour was 3 am, the minute was 8, as for the other number... I'll have to find my birth certificate again.- tonight? Do you? My life as a fourteen year old ends and the one as a fifteen year old begins. It's depressing to me. Things just seem to be moving faster and faster. Two years ago I couldn't tell you almost exactly what I was doing the year before on my birthday, now I can.
Why? Because it feels like yesterday, it feels like everything is passing me by and honestly I know I'm the only one who can speed up and not let it pass on by, it's just scary. I know I need a more active role in my life. I'm aware of it. I don't like it. I would prefer to just going back to when:
"Hi, I'm -insert name-. Will you be my friend?"
and suddenly you're joined at the hip. When my whole world was the property I lived on. When I believed in Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny etc.etc. I like the memories I've gotten since those things have ended and if I was given the choice to take it all back, honestly I don't think I would.
It's just the knowing now that hurts, knowing things like, how there are people who afraid to be happy, afraid to say or do the wrong thing, people who feel like they have 'walk on eggshells', there are people who dying defending others who don't even show their appreciation, there are people who don't know their parents and people who wish they didn't. Millions of things that some people couldn't even imagine, things that are happening to others. People do things and others judge them but they don't understand what that person was going through, why they did it, they're not living their lives. While some people can sit and take their lives for granted, others feel the need to take their's and end them. It's the knowing the horrible habits people have taken up over the years, like all of the trash we are creating, the power we're wasting (Hey, that rhymed.)
Knowing that tomorrow is not promised to be here, that when you awoke this morning it was a blessing not just another day. (I believe God exists, it's the rules I'm trying to get a better handle on.) Knowing that there is a possibility that everything you know is a lie. That's more something for some one who sees from a perspective [seeing is believing.] instead of [believing is seeing].
the point of this is, knowing how big the world is, is a freakin' scary thing and knowing that once you do something, you can't ever take it back. You could be forgiven, but what you did has been done, is frightening too.
Alright, well that's it. Next I'm writing a letter to myself for reading in... let's say three years?
"Everybody asks me who the H is she? That weirdo with five colors in her hair.." - McFly
hehe...........very nice blog, nice to meet you :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, it is a little scary to become older, the years seem to go so fast. At the same time, I love and enjoy every step I get closer to creating my own life and everything I want in it. I get excited when I think of how big the world is, and I imagine myself in the middle of all these opportunities, challanges and new stuff out there.
ReplyDeleteMistakes are unavoidable, I have already done quite a few...but as you say; what you did has been done. So don't waste time on regret, and think of how much you gained from it.
Thank you for being a follower to my blog for some time now...
Also, I like reading your texts, it's interesting. You seem very philosofic sympathetic. :)